Trying to live love well through the power of the Everlasting.
I’m twenty-seven years old, and I’m not much by the measurements of this world.
I graduated from high school with honors, and gave a speech at my graduation. It was quoted in the local paper. I was supposed to go far and do well. I got to college and subsequently self-destructed. I withdrew from school and attended a semester-long discipleship and leadership program that radically reoriented me to a God-centered, Gospel-powered story. I was powerfully re-born, and from there I jumped back into “real life” with both feet, convinced that somehow my very real problems would magically dissolve before me now.
Yeah, that didn’t happen. I was still under the hold of a self-created cycle that had me trapped in failure and self-sabotage. I lived a sort of half-life for a time, espousing the ideals of Christ’s teachings while remaining under the power of my unloving habits and addictions. But of course, no one can serve two masters, and eventually I ran away from everyone and everything I ever knew and tried to start life over on an entirely different coast. I didn’t want God out of it, necessarily. He was more than welcome to join in, provided he finally got on board and gave me a happy, full life on my terms.
Yeah, that didn’t happen either. Over the course of about a year, I systematically found the rug pulled out from under me. I eventually found myself ruined financially, emotionally, psychologically, and relationally and with no one to blame but myself. Completely defeated, I returned home to the family and community I had left behind.
In the time that has passed, God has done miraculous works of restoration and redemption. I didn’t lose those years; they weren’t wasted. God has redeemed them and used what I experienced and learned to bring about good. I believe there is more good that will come.
I remain, still, a twentysomething without a degree, saddled with a large college debt, and a credit report that makes people flinch. But I learned to work hard. I learned to be open and vulnerable in relationships. I learned that community matters. I learned to be honest with myself, my God, and others. I learned that God is worthy of my trust, even if he never comes through for me. I have learned that God will come through for me – but it probably won’t look anything like I imagined it looking. I have learned how to live and love well, better. And yet, there is still so far to go.
The Spirit of the Living God works me from the inside out, transforming me and redeeming me daily as an agent for the Kingdom of Heaven. It is my mission to bring about the Kingdom everywhere I go, everywhere I am. I fail miserably most days, but with the power of the Everlasting, we get better.